Thirty parents participated in the first counsellor’s chat at TK. The focus of the session was on how to help our children thrive; more to the point, on what we as parents can do more or less of, to help their children thrive.

In today’s busy world we are all looking for the simplest and best answers to our questions. Personally, I rarely book a trip without looking at Tripadvisor or drive across Singapore without checking the traffic on Google Maps first. The challenge with this is that too often these days we are looking outside of ourselves, even in areas where we are the experts. The hope with this session was to have parents who attended take some time to reflect on what they want to see in their children, and recognise some of the amazing things that they are already doing to help those things come about.

The talk started with the following four questions:

• What are your best hopes for your child at the age of 25?
• How about this coming February, what will you be seeing in them when they are thriving?
• What about right now? Where do you already see your child thriving? Glimmers? Moments?
• Finally, what are just a few of the ways you support this, and one small thing you can add or take away to move forward?

The energy in the room when discussing what is going well and a small change to make was amazing! And the list! The list that parents came up with was inspiring and included:

• Finding opportunities to give kids a chance to do more and take on more responsibility
• Letting our child make choices, living with those choices and allowing them to also live the consequences
• Keeping our own anxiety or worries in check
• Finding ways to teach financial responsibility

One insight that was shared by a number of parents was that supporting doesn’t mean “more things for me to do”. For example, by giving a child responsibility for appropriate tasks (packing their own bag, making their lunch, preparing their breakfast etc…) the child feels empowered, less anxious, and parents can check off items from the family “to-do” list. To be fair, this takes discussion around what is appropriate and the consequences if it doesn’t happen, planning for success and preparing for the unexpected as well as teaching skills (sandwich making, perhaps!). It also includes parents giving up some control, but the benefits, in terms of self esteem, positive mental health and building maturity continue to add up. Here’s a great TED Talk around one way parents can structure this in their house.

I will be holding a series of counselling chats on the first Friday of the month. Topics that parents said they would like to explore are:

• sibling rivalry and competition
• dealing with money and teaching financial literacy
• carving out the time with each child
• how to prepare kids for life outside of the safe bubble of Singapore without scaring them
• how to encourage responsibility
• cultural awareness
• bullying
• helping children cope with peer pressure and how parents can respond.
• only children and relationships

If you have any questions about this talk or counselling at TK, please look for me in room D104 or email me at phil.meehan@cis.edu.sg.